baby, if i've got you, i don't need a parachute.

So it's been forever and a year since my last blog update. A lot has changed.

So much, that in fact, I don't know where to begin.

I am no longer a student at Radford University. I no longer live in VA even, now I live in Connecticut with my dad. Definitely an interesting change of pace, seeing as how I've never lived with him before. I haven't communicated with my mom in a while and it's kind of hard; I've never not had her in my life. Now, she's out of it, and my dad is in it. Complete turnaround from everything I've ever known before.

Living in CT has been tough, but it could always be worse. I lived here for two months before finally finding employment at a warehouse/factory by the name of Automated Services that my father works for. Yes, my father, once a big shot stock broker on Wall Street in NYC, now is a truck driver for a vending machine and pinball company. Hooray, pinballs.com

Anyways, through him I got a job there working in the stock room. I worked there alone, as in, I had no co-workers, for about a month before getting laid off because "I wasn't the right fit for the job." Yeah, no kidding. At least I will never have to load boxes of Doritos onto trucks again. Wait, anything is possible. I take that back.

I managed to make almost $1,000 there, though I blew it all on one weekend going to visit Radford for my birthday. Super!

Now I'm literally no steps closer to anything since I got here. Still, no help. Partially my fault.

I had been in interviews for a Red Robin that is having its' grand opening here in Milford at the beginning of November, but due to a woman at the corporate offices screwing up the phone number she left me in her voice mail, I never got to complete my interviews and now I don't have that job. It gets better!

Today I go into the movie theater for what I am assuming is my first day of work. I applied there literally within the first week of being in CT, so getting the call from them months later was a shock. A pleasant, surprise shock. I guess. At least I'll have some type of job, even if it is part-time.

I just really need a full-time job so I can get benefits and have the "luxury" of going to the several doctor's appointments that I need to be going to, that I've missed because of being an "independent," now 20 year old, with no money. Hey, remember I have that metal pole going through my chest? Well, my one year post-op appointment was about two months ago. Didn't get to go to that. Thanks, Mom!

I realize that this is an angry, angsty blog post, but I need this right now. And nobody will be reading this anyways except for the people that already know everything I've stated thus far.

Onward!

So living in CT sucks. Yeah! Honestly, just certain situations suck. If this family and house was picked up and placed in Richmond, VA, everything would be perfect. But nothing is perfect. I really like living with this family situation, because for the first time in my life I feel like I have a family. We all talk, we cook dinner together, we eat together, we hang out together, and I really love them. They have plenty of faults, yes, but they are so much lighter than the heavy burden of SHIT that was my living situation in Richmond. I am not confined to my room at all hours of the day because I am afraid of walking around in my own house. I miss my mom, but good LORD am I happy that I don't have to see certain things and people everyday. That being said, the true negative thing about CT is being over 9 hours away from all of my friends, who up until now my entire life, have been the only family I've had. Thanks, Mom!

So today I go into the movie theater. In about 30 minutes, actually. I really hope that it's fun. I really hope that I can make friends there, because I know the second I have even ONE friend here in Connecticut-yourself, things will be so much better.

Sigh. I'm so frustrated with just about everything in my life right now and for the past several months, even when I was not in CT, things have sucked and I'm losing sight of everything I can be in the future, because now I just don't see how anything can happen. I'm really down. I haven't slept in my HOME in Richmond since December, and I really miss everything about it. Everyone around me keeps getting great opportunities and great things keep happening to them, and here I am stuck in CT with nothing happening to me except misfortune on a daily basis. I have so many things that I want to be doing and so much talent, I believe, and nowhere to let it loose.


VENT VENT VENT VENT ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER FRUSTRATION FRUSTRATION FRUSTRATION