our souls are all we own, before we turn to stone

So apparently my consultation date for the Nuss procedure is June 9th, with the surgery taking place on July 13th. This means that I have until July 13th to accomplish anything I want to do this summer, because I will most likely be immobile or sickly for the remainder of it. BUT, hopefully after 3-4 weeks I'll feel relatively normal again, and still have a few weeks of August left. Maybe.

With all the time I spend sitting around at home, even though I am working now, I get to thinking. Mostly about really abstract, random things that don't really matter or aren't worth thinking about, but they have definitely got me stirring. For example, why did I choose to go to Radford? Not that I dislike it in any way, I LOVE it, but that's what I mean by odd things to think about. I want to do something musical and/or theatrical in my future, and I think I should have applied to more schools. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wish I auditioned for some schools, because I know I would've gotten in at least SOMEWHERE, and I would like to know where. With Radford not requiring you to audition for it's theatre program, you get the people who don't really know what they're doing/aren't good at it mixed with the people who are hardcore. Once again, I'm not knocking Raddy, because I'm there now and I'm staying there, but I wish that I could say I go to a school that I had to audition for. Does that make me conceited? I went into Radford thinking I was going to be in intense dance, acting, and voice classes to better my craft, and none of that has happened. In retrospect, I think Shenandoah with Nadia is where I would've gotten exactly what I wanted, only because it's a conservatory. That doesn't mean I want to go there. I wonder if I'm making sense.

Blah.

I just miss being able to show off what I DO. I am at Radford for one reason only, and that's theatre, and so far nothing has happened. I always complain about this. I hope I don't sound like a whiny girl who isn't getting cast or something. Because that's not what I'm trying to come across as. Haha...

Speaking of which, I didn't even get to audition for Godspell. I realized that I wouldn't be able to do it because I'm getting surgery. Duh. My own fault for getting my hopes up.

The stress of going back to Radford this fall is starting to settle in. What I HAVE to do is get myself off of academic probation, which I will have to receive only A's and B's in order to do, which shouldn't be hard, but then again I don't remember the last time I got only A's and B's. If I don't do this, I won't even have the possibility of being cast in the musical.

What I "have" to do, meaning I don't actually have to do this at all, but I told everyone I would, is re-pledge APO. I just hope I can do that and get good grades at the same time. Also, I am making sure that I don't take any classes that require me to do outside hours, such as lighting or sound or like a health class or something. Because that failed miserably last semester, a.k.a. I didn't do a single hour for any class all semester, and I want to keep my focus on my grades and APO.

I really miss Radford. So much. It's not even Radford specifically, but just the way I feel when I'm there. To state in a dramatic, yet truthful, way, when I am at Radford I am free. I can have fun and do whatever I want and be whatever I want and just be successful. I return home and it's as if I am going to prison.

I really hope that I don't sound like a whiny, emo bitch. Hah.

I miss fun times with Matt and Annie and Deejay and Sam and other Sam and Bussy and Kim. I really do. It's hard to go from seeing these people every single day and being so close to them, in a geographical sense, to not seeing any of them at all.

So tonight I will watch So You Think You Can Dance, as usual for every summer, and then tomorrow I don't work. So, Britt and I are planning on going on an adventure of sorts, buying our Spring Awakening tickets soon, and then Saturday I get to work 10 hours for some senator's daughter's wedding. Money, money, money, monaaaay.